Reverse Culture Shock

So, we have been back in the U.S. for about two weeks now. I would say between the jet lag, the pregnancy hormones, and the culture shock, we are during pretty well. People keep asking us what it’s like to be back. My response is usually that I haven’t really wrapped my mind around it yet or that I am full of mixed emotions. Of course it is nice to be back “home” and surrounded by friends and family that we didn’t see for almost a year. It is refreshing to once again have some of the conveniences that we had learned to live without. However, it is hard for people to understand how much we miss our friends and “family” from Kenya as well. Unless of course they too have spent an extended period of time overseas. If we learned one thing from our experience, it’s that the life of a missionary is both extremely difficult and unexplainably rewarding. 

Jeff saying goodbye to some of the kids.

Dinner with my family.

I love the quote from Miriam Adeney that says, “You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” As we were leaving the Baby Centre and saying our goodbyes to the people who had become our family, a very special 2 year old girl who has said more than her fair share of goodbyes in her short life, broke down in tears when she realized we were leaving. She was asking, “Mommy, why?” and saying, “Shasha, Geffy, mine!” It was very emotional for all of us. Just a few short days later, when seeing another very special little girl for the first time in almost a year, my sweet 3 year old cousin says this, “I missed you Tata. When I was at school last night, I was telling God that I was wanting you to come back from Africa. I didn’t know how many days it would be. You were there a long time, Tata.” What an emotional roller coaster we are on.

When we first moved to Kenya, we shared some of the culture shock that we went through in those first weeks. I can tell you, reverse culture shock, what happens when you move back to your original culture, is very real! I will share some of the things that have been the most hard to get used to again, here in our very own culture. Please know that I am not complaining about either culture, because I love both very much, but there are obviously some big differences between the two.

• Choices, Choices, and More Choices! I feel like I am constantly having to make choices here. Mostly small, insignificant choices, but for those of you who know me, I can be very indecisive and get stressed about the smallest of decisions to be made. Whether it is trying to choose from the thousands of restaurants in Knoxville or choosing a box of cereal at the grocery store, this is a little overwhelming after getting so used to going to Java House for every meal that we ate out or choosing from the handful of familiar cereal boxes. I have to admit, it has been very nice to eat at all of my favorite restaurants again!

Cereal aisle at Walmart.

Food Court at the mall.

• Customer Service… For the most part, people in Kenya are super friendly and go out of their way to help you and make you happy. We always got the best service at restaurants, hotels, stores, etc. Since getting back, I have had to stop myself more than once from getting upset about people being rude or just acting like they really didn’t care about what we needed. 

• I can use tap water? We had gotten so used to filtering our water, washing our fruits and veggies in bleach water and then filtered water, brushing our teeth with bottled water, and closing our mouths in the shower. It still amazes me that I can turn on the sink and get clean enough water to do all of these things, and even drink it if I want! We take this for granted here, as it is not the case in much of the world. 

• Driving again! It is so nice to have our own car and be driving again! We expected to be a little rusty, but actually it all came back to us so quickly. I did have a “moment” when my parents where driving us home from the airport and I freaked out because I thought we were going to run into the truck that was in left lane coming towards us. (you drive on the left side of the road in Kenya) It is also very unusual that there are not tons of people and animals walking along the side of the road and even in the middle of the road. 

Jeff's first time driving in almost a year!

•   Language/Accent… Ok, so people were always commenting on mine and Jeff’s southern accent while we were in Kenya. It is so strange to not hear the Kenyan accent anymore, but instead to be surrounded by country accents again. I mean, the preacher in church said “dag-gone” last week and I almost laughed out loud. It’s also weird to not be hearing and using Swahili words anymore. I have found myself on more than one occasion saying “pole” (sorry) when I bumped in to someone and “asante” (thank you) to the cashier or server.

• People here like their “bubble”… I had forgotten how much we Americans like our personal space. This was not the case in Kenya, as we had gotten very used to crowded spaces and greeting everyone with some sort of touch. If you passed a stranger it was perfectly normal to shake their hand. If you saw someone you knew, it almost always resulted in a hug and kisses on the cheeks. The first few days here, it felt so awkward to not shake hands or hug everyone that we saw, especially when we knew them. I had to remember that most of the time a simple, “Hey, how are you?” is culturally appropriate here. 

• Life here can be super complicated… It probably doesn’t help that I’m pregnant, but I have found trying to get re-established here to be very stressful. It took us several hours to get cell phones and numbers again, as opposed to just a few minutes in Kenya. Trying to get insurance was also very difficult and a two or three day event. Getting a prenatal appointment with the doctor I wanted resulted in me having a meltdown with the poor lady on the other end of the phone. We live in a great country with a lot of luxuries, but I do think there are advantages to the more “simple life” that we had grown accustomed to. 

• Public restrooms galore… Wow! Everywhere you go there is a restroom, and most of them are very nice. They even have their own toilet paper so that I don’t have to carry it in my purse anymore! Most of them have hot water and even soap! They have actual toilets, as opposed to a hole in the ground! Don’t get me wrong, there were some nice restrooms in Kenya, but we no longer have to wonder when the next available restroom will be or worry about the shape it will be in.

• American children are not like Kenyan children… This is especially challenging for me, since I work with children. Just as I had to get used to the differences when we moved to Kenya, I will now be getting used to American children again. It’s hard to explain, but they are just very different and I love them both. One thing’s for sure, I will no longer hear children screaming “Mzungu!” (white person) when they see us and loving for us to wave at them or shake their hands. At least I will be able to easily speak the right language with kids now!

Going to miss smiling faces like these. 

•   Everyone here thinks we have Ebola! This has perhaps been the most hilarious and the most frustrating, depending on the mood and situation, thing that we have experienced being back. Whether it is a complete stranger, or even friends and family, no one wants much to do with you once they find out you have been in Africa. I don't know why I haven’t caught on by now, but I keep getting shocked every time it happens. I have had people who literally had their hand out to shake mine during an introduction, just to pull it back in when they found out we had been in Africa. I had to call the receptionist at my ob-gyn at least 10 times before getting an appointment, and finally they admitted that it was because they were worried that I might have Ebola. They are making me wait until November to have my first prenatal exam. It does not even help to try and explain that Ebola is on the other side of Africa or that we have had no cases in Kenya. People will believe what they want to believe, and we will just try to laugh it off as best we can. 

Well that is at least a glimpse of what our life has been like since returning to the states. A huge praise to an answered prayer, Jeff has found a wonderful job and started this week! He is very excited. Please continue to pray for us as we adjust to this new chapter of our lives. Pray that we will continue to process and reflect on our time in Kenya and that we will have wisdom and discernment in what God wants us to do now. Thanks again for following us on this journey and for all of your prayers and support. God bless!

Tascha